I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
