I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dignity is for republicans.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
