that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
