i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she told me i tasted like america
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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