Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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