god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
