11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
