It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
