The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
