MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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