you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
