Need sex. Gaining weight.
You smell like stripper and shame
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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