hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
