i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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