in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
