I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How does one acquire holy water?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
