But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
