if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
