you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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