I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
