Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
