dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
