Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
