she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
