Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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