hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
