I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
