Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
