Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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