I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
