that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I checked into jail on foursquare
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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