Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
