my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
