i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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