you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
