Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
