Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
