My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
