i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
