i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
