I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
