Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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