This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
