Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
