I skipped work to stalk him.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
