Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
