Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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