I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
