Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
