He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
