i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
