Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
