I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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