shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
