my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
