I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
