Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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