The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
